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When Only Love Remains-The Only True Foundation of a Marriage- How Do you Create This? How Do you Know you Have this?

Updated: Jun 24

What brings one to this day, this moment of "The Honest and Sincere, I Do!"

"Love's Presence" makes everything right that may have seemed so wrong to one, to both, and with an exhale of "Yes, we do have a foundation of Love", we move on refreshed within our self and within our relationship, and the first, second, third, fourth .... brick is layed building the foundation of Love. When a house has been built and recognized by both in partnership, it is time to move in...Marriage, Committed for Real, whether legalized or not.

Now, let's get to the "seemed so wrong" part. In partnership there are two egos, two minds, two conditioned human beings, conditioned by parents, cultural traditions, education, society and the personal rebellion of all of the above. All to get to, "I am my own person!" This is great, yet these two want to live in harmony and peace and have some great fun and develope a cohesive life together. And if they are so fortunate and both want and surrender into, come into agreement with, 'harmony is the signature of oneness", developes an intimate connection that challenges and withstands the "stuff" of time; the "come what may".

This in my view and observation of wonderful relationships and marriages, is the grace that seems to have come from nowhere, yet came from deserving it after building this foundation of laying brick by brick. Bricks that you both have created together with each giving up a part of your individual ego and replacing it with your deep caring for the other and your relationship. Good couples give 50-50. Great couples give 100-100. The relationship itself is their first child. All without sacrificing thier individuality; only thier egos. Great contemplation to try on!

I hope by now you are hearing the call to humility here, because you will be needing to go there over and over to build this foundation. I have heard humiliation comes before humility and this certainly has been my experience. No stong resilient ego wants to hear this, yet it is the stongest and most resilient ego that is strong enough to view itself which can hear this, especially in relationship to another who one cares deeply about and for.

Look to your relationship history, to those times when one or both of you needed to be or were totally convinced you were right and the other wrong. All your reason and logic and experience told you, I am right on this. Perhaps even the judge and jury would find you right too. Yet, ask yourself, "Where is the Love?"

Ok, it has taken me a lifetime of experience to unequvocably know for me at least...Love does not care about who is so called right and who is so called wrong...Love is a foundation built on the knowing of the other's and one's own character, integrity, respect...the real stuff not the mind's so called likes and dislikes, factoids, conditioning; the mind not the heart ruling the roost. If you have had a number of these experiences with your partner and have both been able to get to the literal Heart of the Matter, then you have layed a brick each time. You have proven over and over, both of you, that when only Love remains, that love builds one more brick to your home that you both move into when built strongly, and continues to grow brick by brick. Humiliation to humility, to our love, is all that matters and all that is real. A commited relationship and marriage will and perhaps must have these experiences for both partners to know there is this foundation of Love that will hold their house of togetherness steady from all storms, self created or from the outside world.

When these experiences come, and they will, and if you cannot get to your foundation of love with each other, it is time to seek outside counseling and not push under the proverbial rug to just fester once again. With proper "third obervation and listening" you both have the best chance to add another brick or maybe even two.

I am offering a personal experience here, as it might fill this out for some of you. My partner, who died some years ago, and I were having one of these conflicts of mind and we finally exposed the "elephant in the room" and went to counseling. I said my point of view and John expressed his. The therapist took about one minute and looked at both of us and said forthrightly, "Well, I can see that you both communicate differently, so you don't always hear or listen, really hear and listen to each other." I about fell over! I always prided myself in thinking I was a good communicator and listener, yet obviously not always to the love of my life.

So, as we worked with her, I was able to go from humiliation, to humility, to love which was what both of us really knew was there, the Foundation of Us. Once again, Love's Presence makes everything perfect! If you both want this as the foundation of your relationship and marriage, you will come into agreement with this, live it, fight for it and have it! A full intimacy that we always hear of, hope and believe is possible, and now have and continues to grow, brick by brick.

Harmony is the signature of oneness! Built from both putting egos aside and moving into your Foundation of Love. You know if you have this. All great relationships and marriages do.

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